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Managing Personal Grief Problems

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There is no correct way to get accustomed to grief or to completely prepare for it or to completely dismiss its presence. But when uncomplicated grief is excessive and chronic a generic process can be tried to bring it into a normal state. Not to do so can cause a relatively small problem to get bigger and bigger until it adversely alters the course of ones life. Once on a problematic course one is likely to encounter needless difficulties in all sorts of seemingly unrelated situations. Self-honesty is crucial to getting on the path of truth. Again, the foundational first step in management is Self-Love because it does not allow "giving up" on a worthwhile goal or permit doing harm to oneself or to others. Second, accept your Grief as it is without shame or blame. This puts you on solid ground and by embracing the natural part of your Grief. Third, where applicable, forgive others and yourself because both are fundamental to getting on the path to a free mind. Fourth, use your Spiritual Immune System and its truths to face and shed what is unnatural. With respect to diagnosing your problem, your friends and enemies might help and if they are willing accepted as teachers they could be of benefit in getting you to "know thyself." Otherwise, if mental specialist help is not available, my favorite method is to engage in the "What's Behind That? self-questioning process. This process is effective in identifying and getting to the root of the problem. The way this goes is that for every significant thought related to grief is to ask: "What's Behind That? Once those answers are written out, I look for a possible cause. In further exploring the possible cause I ask: "What's Behind That?--and so on for each thought and cause. Chances are I will get to the problem's root. Sometimes the seed is a long forgotten cause. If a seed is not detected, I search for something apart from the grief.

A common cause of excessive grief is being emotionally out of control. One of the problems is that although the normal mourning period has run its course certain emotional hangovers persist. As bad as a Grief Emotional Complex is in draining ones energy, it becomes much worse when emotions go wild and remain so in a prolonged state. Not only is getting angry and/or being fearful of no benefit, both serve as barriers to proper organizational handling of ongoing and new problems. Besides, both generate unnecessary additional problems. What I look for as a cause of lack of emotional control is immature Keystone irrational or illogical thoughts. Both are disharmonious as well as stir up mental chaos and contradictory beliefs—beliefs which cannot be justified—beliefs which are contrary to the evidence—and beliefs which produce self-defeating behaviors. In this regard, Self-Love does not permit self-destructive emotions (e.g. revenge, rage) or self-defeating behaviors. A second problem is the bad habit of indulging oneself in ongoing melancholy or sorrow. An effective corrective technique is to constantly remember the happy times and use that as strength to self-improve and help others. A third problem is the situation of lingering memories. Here, certain signs, smells, and practices continue to provoke Grief. Desensitization can be done by using humor each time. For example, Titan liked the cartilage ends of a chicken bone and I would bite them off for him. Whenever I still do this, I have to laugh at myself and say: "Hello, Boy." This is a comfortable way of working out the enhancement of our spiritual connection.

A point to consider is that whatever flawed habits are removed must be replaced simultaneously with something constructive. Another point is that just because the seed problem--like thoughts of dread--have been eliminated as the cause of grief, this does not mean all of the ramifications caused by that seed have been eliminated. Management involves supplying oneself with essentials leading to a cure. One of my all-time favorites in starting to climb out of the depths of grief is swinging in a swing and going as high as I can. Another is attending children's parties.

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