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Iona Magazine :: Brotha's Point of View

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with Reginald King

Dear IONA Magazine.

I have a question for the Brotha’s Point of View column.


I am 31 years old and I have never been married. My question is this.

I have been dating/sleeping with this guy for about 12 months. We have lots of great fun together and we get along great. I recently asked him if I was his girlfriend. He looked at me and replied, “why do women always have to define everything? If you’re having fun then let things continue the way they are.”

“Just go with the flow.” I cannot count on one hand the number of times a guy has said this to me, “just go with the flow.” What the hell does this mean? Why don’t men want to tell a woman if she is or isn’t their girlfriend? What is all this go with the flow stuff? Please give me some answers. I am thinking about breaking up with him, but I would like a Brotha’s Point of View first.

Well, 31 years old and never been married. I have never been married either but I find that I agree with your boyfriend so much, that I had to seek the opinions of my dogs on this particular issue. The Homies say, that women feel the need to define everything!

Sista, what are you doing? You didn’t mention anything about being dissatisfied with this man in any way. It sounds to me that you are having a wonderful time developing a strong and loving relationship with this man, so why would you consider throwing that away because you can’t put a label on a beautiful thing?

I am convinced that a woman invented this boyfriend/girlfriend bullsh*t. What self-respecting man would kill himself in such a way? In my opinion, committed relationships are a form of pseudo marriage, filled with rules, regulations and protocols. I understand that you are getting older and you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, but don’t you want it to be with someone that you love? Love is not something that you can possess. Love grows like a flower. It’s a natural thing, not to be confused with something that you share with your man-less homegirls or relatives for conversational analysis. To define it only stunts its growth and corrupts it purity.

Women often make the mistake of treating men like pets. They set an agenda and they don’t let us in on it. All the while they are attempting to train us! Why can’t ya’ll just go with the flow? Sista listen, this man is obviously having the time of his life with you. You get his attention because he love’s to give it to you, not because you demand it! He finds that with all of his other opinions, he is drawn to you because of the woman that you are. He discovers that he has no time for other women because they don’t make him feel the way that you do. Suddenly, his cup is full!

Sista, it is important to remember that a man will only go to a place where he feels at home! That place can be the nightclub, the strip club, the casino, some rat’s house, or your place. I promise that he will be in the place that makes him feel the most comfortable. To quote the words of a wise man, “if you are having fun, then let things continue the way they are!”

I know that the readers of this column are probably getting sick of hearing this but I have to say it again…COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE! Let him know what you want and when you want it. Find out what the hell he wants, and see if there is enough love involved for the two of you to consider a mutual compromise, based on what you know and how you feel about one another.

Don’t throw away someone that you truly enjoy baby. It is a rare and beautiful thing to find someone that you connect with. Just remember that some of us brotha’s get real claustrophobic! Communicate, relax and by all means…GO WITH THE FLOW!

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