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The Forgivers

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By Urban Chic Reader John Gordon

I can recall the constant rambling of surveys asking Black men who dated outside their race, the number one reason for doing so. This question was without hesitation, answered as follows, "Sisters are too bossy.", They just want my money.", Sisters are bitter and have a chip on their shoulder."

At that point, I'm like, "hold up here". We all know that's not true. We as a people, male and female are a very forgiving group of people, a very forgiving race. As a culture we embrace, nurture and care for the undesirables. It is us as a people who accepts that one family (categorized by others as trailer trash) and attempts to show them a little of our culture, all the while helping them to continually embrace their own. So what about that chip, that bitterness? It's not there.

In my own life span I've been witness to some very interesting shows of forgiveness, absent of bitterness, and the like taking place in my personal life and could not be more true in the lives of some of the people I grew up being entertained by. As we all know by now, that mysterious "Somebody" Whitney wanted to dance with was not possibly Bobby (The King of R&B) Brown, at the time. It had to be some figmented Caucasian individual in which Whitney played up to with her offbeat gyrations and unflattering (except to the rhythm impaired) movements.

As proven by the booing at our 1 and only awards show (at that time) The Soul Train Music Awards, Whitney was not "Ours." Yet when Whitney marries Bobby and decides that "crack is whack" and "too cheap" for her immense wealth, she now belongs to us and we are all, as a people pulling with her and her family, to put her back at the top. Why? Because we are forgivers.

Another prime example, which has almost become cliche', yet further brings my point home is the infamous King of Pop, Michael Jackson. As a young child his handlers played to the urban or "soul" (as it was called at the time) audience, in an effort to insure success at the start of his career. However, as early as his staged "introduction" by Diana Ross, we all kind of felt that we were slowly losing him. And we finally did.

The last true soulful show by MJ may have just been Off The Wall not to be confused with "off his rocker", a common term used to describe the present day performer. As a success and mountainous personality, we remained on the sidelines. We watched as he embraced little McCulkin and consistently played exclusively European shows. Yet as accusations of drug abuse, unpaid debts, child molestation, and mental illness loom, we as a people, embrace him. We choose to look beyond all the oversight of us, on his part, and forward to a future of him being "Ours" once again. We continue to applaud his craft when he makes a once rare, (now eerily common) showing at "Our" now few awards shows.

What makes them "Ours"? Why do we forgive? Who are those brothers referring to as bitter? The thing that makes them " Ours" is the same thing that makes you your Black mother's son or daughter, your Black aunt's niece or nephew, your Black Granny's baby. It's the unconditional love of the Black culture, taught to us by our Black mothers and aunts and grandmothers alike, that teaches to embrace those in need. They teach us to seek out the shut-in, the downtrodden, the segregated. As we were once that people, and knowing firsthand the feeling, our hearts will not allow us to watch others to endure these such feelings alone.

So that's what makes them "Ours." That's why we forgive...........But who are those brothers referring to? You tell me.

Urban Chic loves to hear from you. Please write to us at urbanchic@blackvoicenews.com.

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