Have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself feeling sad and apologetic only to realize that you didnt do anything? Weve all been there. Your mate has done something wrong and you get into a confrontation.
Somehow you end up being the person who is in the wrong. Then you find yourself sitting down trying to think of a way to apologize. This transference of emotion has happened to the best of us. You go from being angry and our mate feeling sad to feeling sad and our mate being angry.
We somehow change roles. Its as if the villain and victim exchanged script books. How does this happen? Well since we all know how to do this the better question is- how do we allow this to happen to us? Let me give you an example.
Jason was angry with his wife when she stood him up for their dinner. He waited at the restaurant for two hours. When he got home he waited another hour before she got there. Jason was not having it; he went off on her you couldve called.
The argument continues and Jason finds himself apologizing for not calling her to make sure she was okay. How did this happen? Easy, she asked him why he hadnt called to check on her.
She also told him that anything couldve happened to her. Now Jason is going through the pains of thinking that something couldve been wrong with his wife and he was too angry to realize it.
Meanwhile he didnt take the time to ask where she was. She flipped the script on him so fast he didnt even notice that he still doesnt know. So while she soaks in the bathtub Jason is feeling horrible.
How do we avoid this? Its hard to stand your ground when the other person can come up with something to combat what you have to say. You also cant be stuck on standing your ground because you wont be able to come to a resolution.
A suggestion is to calm down before you start your discussion. While you are angry your emotions are already on high. High emotions are easily transferable. Think about it, you can go from disappointed to mad to sad in a matter of seconds.
When your emotions are at a moderate level your head is at a moderate level. You can think clearly and can feel the script flipping coming on. This way you can counteract.
The next time you feel angry - relax.
Get your thoughts together and become level headed. This could save you from going from victim to villain and ending up like Jason.
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