The single mother may inadvertently produce the type of individual weak in character when her good intentions to rescue backfire. Unfortunately, single mothers are trying outrageous methods to secure a firm family unit. Some are even resulting to lesbian relationships and same-sex marriages.
Instead of the boys merely overcoming the handicap of an absent father theyll also have the taunting memories of a strange woman as a quasi-father figure to discuss with their future psychologist.
In most cases the single mother seeks the support of her boyfriend to help raise her son. She expects this man to guide the boy into manly characteristics and instincts, like sports, camping, etc. Its a good diversion to get a boy involved in such activities in the hopes of solidifying his manhood.
However, its a poor choice to use casual boyfriends to take up the paternal slack. Unless a man is committed to the family by bloodline or marriage he is likely to have a short-term presence. When the next boyfriend comes along and tries to bond with the boy, he will distrust him because hell anticipate another abandonment plus hell realize that the man is only kind to him to gain favor from his mother. Eventually the son may resent his mother and womanhood in general.
It is no coincidence that most of the gangster rap artists write songs that are degrading to women, themselves, and society at large. They have something to be angry about. An overwhelming majority of the gangster rap artists who disrespect women in their lyrics are from fatherless homes. I dread the thought of the future rap lyrics from boys of a same-sex marriage family unit.
Single mothers would do well to seek reliable mentor programs for their sons during their formative years, which is generally between 7 and 15 years old. Boys over fifteen cant be tugged into programs and should seek a mentor independently. A mature uncle or other mature, responsible and honest male family member with integrity is a good resource as a role model.
Throughout the Inland Empire there are programs that have honorable and dedicated men available to guide boys into manhood. A telephone call to various churches to inquire about what type of youth programs are available through their church will be a good start. If a church has no such program, keep looking. Secondly, a call to various athletic programs and clubs may reap rewarding results.
A call to your local Chamber of Commerce, NAACP, Urban League, Black Chamber of Commerce, City Hall, The Boy Scouts of America, a newspaper editor, Department of Parks and Recreation, even the police department public relations officer, all can be a valuable resource in seeking guidance programs for a boy. However, no program can work if the mother remains reluctant to cut the umbilical cord.
Richard O. Jones is an author, poet, columnist and counselor in the Save Our Sons Program at A.K. Quinn African Methodist Episcopal Church in Moreno Valley. For info about the program call the church at (909) 485-6993 or Mr. Jones at (909) 488-0443.
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