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Single Mothers’ Formidable Task of Developing Boys to Men

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Richard O. Jones
On May 8, 1914, President Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day - As significant as political, military, educational, or religious public figures may be, none can compare to the impact made by mothers. There is no more influential or powerful role on earth than a mother’s. Their words are never fully forgotten, and the memory of their presence lasts a lifetime. However, when a single mother lacks the skills of parenting it can play a devastating role in the lives of her son and lead to disrespect for women in general. I witnessed a lack of respect for women in my two nephews that I contribute to the way they were raised by my sister, a single mother.

During the 70’s my baby sister was the single parent of two young sons. Each of the boys has a different absent father. My sister used a ‘Rambo’ type of discipline. She used to sock them with her fists and challenge her frightened sons to a brawl rather than teach them with patient instruction. She would get close up in their face and snatch them in the collar then threaten bodily harm if they didn’t immediately obey. In her mind, my sister was instilling respect through fear.  Although her sons meekly obeyed her commands, the meek compliance only lasted until they were taller than their mother. Then when their mother got upset she would brace herself in her famous boxers’ stance with her fists balled up and challenge them to a fistfight, which they refused but mumbled under their breath as they begrudgingly dragged their feet and very slowly complied with her orders.  During their adolescence, their mother had three live-in boyfriends; two of which were violent towards her.

Today, over twenty years later, my nephews are thirty something and have a deep-seated resentment for their mother. It doesn’t take much before they explode with profanity when they are in the slightest disagreement with her. My sister now lives alone in chronic sorrow and wonders why her sons don’t respect her and seemingly women in general. Both of my nephews have been arrested for domestic violence upon their various girlfriends, nonpayment of child support, and illegal drug use.  My advice to young single mothers with sons is to avoid the habit of being seen by your sons with more than a couple different boyfriends or husbands during their childhood. Also teach your sons with love and wisdom and use as little physical punishment as possible.  Violence teaches violence.

Never put any love interest ahead of your children, and don’t associate with any man who physically abuses you or disrespects you in general.  Boys have a natural instinct to love their mothers and put no one above her. A boy will fight twice as fast and hard if a kid says something bad about his mother than his father. However if he’s raised with little respect for his mother the women that he encounters will feel his wrath.

richardojones1@verizon.net

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