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No Time For Shallow Minds

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UC writer James Hicks responds to his critics in an ongoing debate.

By James Hicks


Recently I received several responses to an article I submitted to Urban Chic entitled “All Men Aren’t Dogs”. In this article I proposed that some women would be better off in their search for a perfect soul mate if they focused more on substance instead of collateral. I went on to say that simply because a man lives with his mother doesn’t mean that he is irresponsible and unworthy of successful romance and a long-term relationship.

In clarification of my proposal, I would first like to say that a man has the right to expect the same qualities in a woman as a woman expects in a man. There is no one way street in a successful relationship. One reader suggests that every educated Black man is either gay or dating a White woman.

She also suggests that a man that lives with his mother is a low life and doesn’t want to do better for himself. This is absurd and shallow minded thinking. These educated Black men are simply not looking for you. They are not looking for a hip and butt cheek huggin’, jean wearin’, G-string flaunting, fowl mouth woman. These men are looking for women with a lot more class and a lot more education.

Ethnicity and sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. They are looking for women who have a little more respect for themselves and for others. This is not to say the kinds of men who enjoy tacky dressed women are not out there. In fact, those halfway to the floor saggin’, jean wearin’, funky underwear showin’, foul mouth men are looking for someone just like you. The world is full of personalities; the challenge is finding one that fits yours.

Secondly, a man who lives with his family is no indication of the morals and values that this individual possesses. In fact for hundreds of years this type of living has been practiced throughout the world amongst many cultures.

This is one reason that Hispanics and Asians are building businesses at an unprecedented rate while Black Americans are complaining about not having a job. I’d rather pool my resources with my family than to pool them with an unpredictable roommate I don’t know very well or to struggle to pay $700.00 a month for rent while perusing a competitive and often illusive career. This pooling of resources provides a much-needed cushion for the entire family.

Finally, speaking of low life men, how many times have you heard of financially successful men being guilty of adultery, spousal abuse and in some cases even murder? I don’t have enough strands of hair on my head to count the number of occasions where this scenario has taken place. Money and prestige are no substitute for a wholesome relationship.

The quality of a successful relationship depends not on the size of a wallet or the tightness of a woman’s jeans, it depends on faith and a mutual respect for each other and the union.

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