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You know how it is when you meet somebody and everything about this person is great except for one thing. It could be their attire, their financial state, or their viewpoint on a certain subject.

That’s when you start to think to yourself – this person could be perfect, if only they could change their…

Now let’s examine this topic. Is it possible to change a person? And if you do master the art of change, will one change affect the whole person? You know, will exchanging one brick cause the whole building to collapse?

When you think about it, do you really want to try to change a person? It involves a lot of energy, time, frustration, and effort. Yet, I always hear constant remarks from my friends and family members like “she’s going to learn to…”, “if I could just get him to…”, “only if she would…” This leads me to believe that we have forgotten the old saying – leave well enough alone. You never know what they might change into. As a whole, we have become obsessed with finding the perfect person. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with helping someone to reach their full potential but you shouldn’t expect anything in return.

We’ve all heard the story of a person turning a duck into a swan and in return the swan fleeing to find a new owner. Remember? A friend of a friend’s friend meets Person Z and thinks he/she has potential. So they put in time and energy into fixing up Person Z, taking person Z out, and building person Z into A Person. Once Person Z notices that they have become A Person they step out on their creator; kind of like Pinocchio did Geppetto. Is this just an “urban myth”, “dating fable”, or is there some truth to this?

If there is truth to this, could it be that once we make what we think is the perfect person they realize that we aren’t perfect? Or could it be that they just see themselves in another light? I think it could be a mixture of both. Once they recognize the new them and their self-esteem increases they start to notice flaws in others. That’s when they get on the hunt to find or create their perfect person. It’s a vicious cycle.

This is why my advice is to let people be themselves. If you see that they can better themselves and you are willing to help, help them. Just don’t try to change them. You might not like the outcome of your product. Each and every one of us has heard “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

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