By Richard O. Jones
It’s hard to love someone when they’re nagging you. Nothing can be as persistently annoying and ineffectual. Still, with distressing regularity, people who should know better than being a nag are convinced that somehow they are actually communicating and securing their relationship. Does the following sound familiar?
“How many times must I tell you?” they whine.
“Will you ever finish that?” they say with a sigh.
“I hate to have to remind you again, but…”
“The trouble with you is…” they state emphatically, as if they surely knew.
“Why aren’t you more like so and so?”
“If you didn’t waste so much money, we could… “
“If you make more money we could…” and on and on and on.
What there is to be gained from such statements beyond guilt, resentment, and animosity, escapes me. It is especially troubling when the couple involved is over fifty. It unfortunately is often the case that a senior nagger is struck in their narrow-mindedness.
Although good commonsense dictates that it’s almost sadistic to so berate someone and expect a happy life to follow. Society punishes us enough for mistakes and past blunders.
We don’t need additional wounds and bruises poured on by those waiting at home.
The role of the spouse or lover is to be there to bandage the wound with care and concern, not to reopen it with useless, mind-warping, ear-piercing, nerve-shattering nagging. I have come to the conclusion that persistent nagging is the result of a deeper frustration with the nagger. Too often people expect someone else to be responsible for their happiness. When some people look over their lives, they’re constantly reminded that their dreams are not coming true; therefore, they consequently pick at the other person as an outlet to vent their frustrations. However the real problem is seldom addressed.
It is healthier to focus on the root of the frustration than to vent disappoint of life on the one that is suppose to be a love interest.
When we repress our frustration, it eventually seeps out in a nagging form and often develops far out of proportion into downright anger and bitterness towards each other. Mature individuals learn to feel comfortable in dealing with their personal issues prior to a love relationship; however, in the event a person has not learnt such, it is wise to openly discuss matters of such magnitude before getting very close. As a matter of fact, you never will be very close until you learn to identify and discuss the root source of your frustration. Bottom line, nags grow old alone.
NOTICE: Due to my other endeavors, such as writing a new book and producing a new play, I must cease writing this column indefinitely. This is my last column for this newspaper until further notice. Thank you for sharing a fraction of your leisure reading with me. May God continue to bless us all on our individual journeys.
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