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Don't Allow Your Ex To Diminish Your Mojo: Part 1 of 2

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Over the years, I have met several women who have lost their ‘Mojo’. (Mojo used in this case as good self-esteem) after enduring relentless verbal abuse by her former boyfriend or husband. The most common method of verbal abuse is to pound into the head of the woman that she is worthless, unattractive, stupid, or any other degrading and negative remarks. Many abusive men have the propensity to try to make their girlfriend or wife think that she can’t get anyone else and is lucky to have him. When I witness or hear about women staying in abusive relationships, I often think of what Harriet Tubman of the Underground Railroad and often referred to as Black Moses, said in an interview after slavery was abolished, that she could have helped more slaves escape if she could have convinced them that they were slaves. I understand that getting over someone you love can be very difficult even if it’s a sick twisted love, especially if you're not ready to let go. However, good judgment is to think with your head, like a mature woman, not with your heart, as a foolish lovelorn schoolgirl.

Would you continue to love the family cat if it ran up and scratched you whenever it felt like? Would a person with good judgment continue to allow a dishonest visitor into their home who stole something on every occasion? Would you think a mother loved her child if she continued to take the child to a babysitter who openly abused the child on a regular basis? Well, your good self-esteem is asking itself the same question. “Why is this woman continuously being abused?” “Why is this foolish woman continuously allowing this man to steal her Mojo?”

Many women stay in dead relationships, entrapped by their childhood daydream of a happy home and the hope that somehow, maybe through prayer, things will get better and Mr. Wrong will turn into Mr. Right. This is simply not true. Why? Because you cannot change anyone except yourself. Once you realize that you're in a relationship that does not serve your highest good and you're ready to do something about it, you will do what you have do to move on. Of course on the other hand there are those women who think like the brainwashed slaves that Harriet Tubman encountered who cannot be convinced, by family and/or friends, that they are in an abusive relationship and need to get out. Many slaves didn’t feel abused because slavery was all they had ever known. When they were beaten or punished they blamed themselves for disappointing the slave-master. Many abused women that choose to stay with the abuser are much like the slaves that didn’t think they were worthy of freedom.

To rid yourself of abuse and mistreatment requires self-love. Sometimes women don’t feel worthy of love based on their past experiences. Many have wronged others; therefore, feel less than deserving of a pure wholesome love where pleasure is common and pain is rare. Forgiving yourself is a necessary step towards bringing an end to being abused. You may or may not need any professional counseling. Do what’s right for you, as Malcoln X once said, “By any means necessary.”

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