Although both genders are sexually used, females have cornered the sexual anxiety market in a hostile takeover. The reason most men don’t feel the anxiety as often is their failure to recognize when they’re being used. Most men enjoy the intimate company of women without crying themselves to sleep later on; therefore they don’t see the problem. On the other hand, women become so emotionally involved that if he neglects to call the next evening can cause her anxiety. The problem with this picture is most women and a few men fail to distinguish between being used and misused. In reality, in the natural and raw picture, everyone is used. We seek other people to meet our needs whether it’s social, sexual, financial, spiritual, or a simple visit to the barbershop. Every time we pay someone for a service, we’re using them for their service or product and they’re using us for our money. Even when it comes to friendship, our sociality becomes our stock in trade. There are many people that may find it difficult, if not impossible, to become friends with because those people don’t meet your social needs or standards. You can only benefit socially by the people you find compatible. Those are the ones you use to meet your social needs and hopefully it is a mutual association.
Misuse comes into play when the exchange is not mutual. Being misused is fair ground for anxiety and frustration but not being used. For example, I knew a guy who considered himself lucky because he had a woman readily available to him for his sexual needs. He never took her anywhere nor introduced her to anyone. Their relationship consisted of him going to her apartment after her children were asleep and leaving before they woke up in the morning. This went on for more than a year. Eventually he called one night to ask if he could come over to visit and was told that he could not and he must not call again because she was now engaged to be married. Suddenly he was frustrated and felt misused. However, he was not misused but he was used. He was used to only fulfill her sexual needs but not used for her social or love needs, she met someone who fulfilled more of her needs.
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