One of the biggest mistakes a woman makes is to totally open up to her husband and/or lover – especially in a new relationship. Regardless of how openminded a man claims he is, he still cringes at the sordid details of his lovers past. For instance, the modern thing to do, with all of the available technology, for many couples, is to make a sex tape. Usually the idea comes from the male partner. This is a very naive act for a single female to indulge in with anyone.
As time goes on, she confides in a new lover she made a sex tape and the male involved still has it. Immediately, whether he expresses it or not, he is very uncomfortable with this information, and on some level he loses some respect for the woman. On the other hand, a male can confide the same or similar risqué information to the female and suffer no loss of respect from her.
Even in churches, men stand up before a crowded congregation and confess their sins: adultery, drug use, promiscuity, former homosexuality, prison history, criminal history, etc. Women are not wise to reveal their shady past in public because they will never be looked upon with the same level of esteem as before. When a woman does open up to a man or a man learns of her dark past, he will almost surely use the information to hurt her if the time comes when he’s angry. I’ve seen it happen on many occasions. A female friend of mine was sentenced to six months in jail for forgery in the 90s. Ten years later, she married a man and told him about her short stint of incarceration. My friend had a good stable job at a major university as a secretary; however, she concealed her criminal past on her employment application. Eventually, she filed for divorce from her husband after five years of marriage. She moved out of the home; however, her ex-husband blackmailed her for weekly sex for months by threatening to expose her past. After having a near emotional breakdown, she quit the job and cut off all contact with her former husband.
It is quite understandable why there are so many more females in counseling than males. Women have so much more bottled up inside and society will not allow them to truly be free. Psychologists, but not society, understand that females are not just the victims of sexual molestation but, as many men, they too become child molesters though not on the same scale. The many cases involving female schoolteachers and their juvenile male students point to this fact; however, fewer women are feel free to seek help because the anti-social stigma is greater.
Whatever happened to the teenage girls and young women in their twenties and thirties that were hookers forty years ago? They’re in somebody’s church and singing in somebody’s choir. They’re teaching preschool, they’re social workers, and grandmothers. These are women of strength and character but society can never benefit from their experience, growth, and acquired wisdom as we benefit from men of a certain past because women are still forced into silence by our double standard.
Years ago, I had a girlfriend that confided in me that between 10 and 15 years earlier, although married, she had been a lesbian, adulterer, and a drug user. Although, I liked her and was thinking about becoming more seriously involves – I emotionally backed away. I became suspicious of the relationship between her and her girlfriends. Finally, in an argument I called her a drug addict lesbian. She was extremely hurt. We soon broke up. She made the biggest mistake- she revealed her past. Women must learn to spare their past only on a need-to-know basis.
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