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The Metamorphosis of Happiness Following a Breakup

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In general, when couples breakup it’s because the two simply can't come together as one on a higher ground. Then either one or the other realizes that they aren't united and decides that it's time to move on. Often they move on, emotionally long before they move on physically. Detachment and/or coldness coupled with the tendency to start arguments are signs that the thrills have turned into the chills. However, one of the problems, as I see it, is when people call themselves a “couple” and remain a couple instead of elevating themselves to becoming a couplet as in a sonnet. They are on two different paths. I also feel that when couples begin to see themselves as a couplet they become as one - one continuing sonnet as in a beautiful poem. As long as intimate couples are anything other than unified they are merely two individuals in the same place like a couple of hardboiled eggs in the same pot that will never become an omelet.

The average “couple” breaking up can be an emotional train wreck unless each party is equipped with the skills to let go. I feel that when couples do not become couplets most will inevitably breakup.

Instead of being the end of ones world it could be likened to the metamorphosis of an embryo into a fetus into a baby into an adult or from a caterpillar’s life to the beginning of a butterfly.

Relationships that are earmarked by qualities uncharacteristic of unity will follow its natural metamorphosis from cuddle-up to breakup. Even though breakups can be devastating, grief can become a form of metamorphosis from tears in the eyes to a rainbow in the heart.

How do you deal with the sadness in the meantime? First of all, stop absorbing so much of the doom and gloom advice from friends and TV programs that supply many people with their unbalanced level of understanding.

Honestly assess your personal obstacles to happiness.

There's a great saying, "If you want a certain lifestyle, act as though you already have it."

There’s a great poem by Maya Angelou entitled, “Phenomenal Woman.” If more people would learn from that poem instead of merely feeling good about it, their relationships and breakups would be different. For example: don’t wait until you’re a great dancer before you go dancing. Enjoy life and dance and gradual ly you’ll notice your improvement. Don’t wait until you lose 30 lbs before you go to the beach. Enjoy the beach and the ocean regardless. If you let other people control your joy you’ll always be vulnerable to loneliness. Act as though you've moved on, and before you know it - you will have moved on. When you see this person in public, don't look at them waiting for them to see you or speak - just go about your business, smile and live your life.

In the meantime, keep busy. Volunteer to work more hours and/or join a social club of inspiring people, if that's an option.

Choose an author who you've never read before and start reading each and every one of their books. For instance, try a couple of my books (shameless plug) but really, I have a book called, “Embracing Monogamy in the Face of Temptation,” that have really helped women and men get their lives and emotions back on track. You can find it online. Ultimately, you will meet someone that when you add up the sum of the two of you the total is one, then you would have completed your metamorphosis.

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