One evening, over 20 years ago, it occurred to me while watching the weekly national TV show “America Most Wanted” that women disproportionately get the murderous or battered end of bad relationships. I have been a regular viewer of the program since its inception in February of 1988 and it didn’t take long for me to realize that obviously many men can’t peacefully move on with their lives after a romantic break up. Week after week millions of viewers would watch the manhunt for a love-crazed manic that left behind the dead or maimed body of a wife, exlover, or other unfortunate female recipient of his unwelcome advances.
Usually these violently possessive men and their victims are under forty years old; however, there is no shortage of older men, over fifty, with violent, stalking and/or possessive tendencies.
Nevertheless, women must become more aware of the ways they are sometimes setting themselves up for negative repercussions when they opt out of a relationship with certain men.
Usually men that special favors such as providing a car, apartment, use of his credit card and/or gives gifts or money have an ulterior motive and it’s not platonic friendship. When a female has no romantic interest or intentions of being intimate with a certain man, she should not accept extraordinary favors. An extraordinary favor, in this case, should be considered one that a single man would not do in the presence of another woman that he was interested in. The problem with accepting these extraordinary niceties is that in the minds of psychotic men (which are difficult to recognize), they are not giving the woman anything but instead he is buying her and by her acceptance she is willing becoming his possession.
Women that seldom turn down any opportunity to receive a gift or extraordinary favors from men often will sooner or later be viewed by her benefactor as a user. In a sense, they both have misused each other. The man’s underhandedness was in the form of gifts, with hidden intentions, while the woman’s underhandedness was in the form of accepting the gift with no intentions. The wise response for a disinterested woman to give to a male pursuer bearing gifts is simply – no thank you. However if she is in a desperate situation and needs the limited financial assistance she should make sure there is a clear understanding that she has no intentions to become romantically involved and she must make clear arrangements, preferably by a notarized contract to repay the loan but under no circumstance accept it as a gift. Such an action should quail any possessive feeling the male might otherwise harbor.
Another safety precaution woman must take is the practice or not secretively dating or being intimately involved with more than one man.
Adulteresses and other cheating women are three times more likely to find themselves on the violent end of a relationship. And lastly, it is risky for many women to enter and relationship with a man with a violent tempter or overly jealous tendencies. Obviously if a man lives a life of crime or bitterly talks about his former lovers these are warning signs but the subtle signs might be missed such as hidden drug use and/or dormant mental illness. The best means of predicting future behavior is by recent (not twenty years ago) behavior. A woman should learn a man’s past and act accordingly to lessen the likelihood of meeting a violent demise and becoming the lead story on the news.
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