Recently I watched a documentary on TV where ex-husbands and/or ex-boyfriends, turned possessive, then turned stalkers, and eventually turned killers. Afterwards, I researched and discovered that many of these violent people felt they were in love; therefore, justified in their actions. Although the TV documentary focused on men assaulting women I found many documented police cases where the female is the aggressor.
Unfortunately, when people meet and later become romantically attracted, they are often judging with their emotions. This leads to a relationship without any regard of the person’s basic beliefs, or past that shaped his or her behavior and view of the world. Many people that search for love mistakingly think they’ve found it because another person has shown them favorable attention. Often a love deprived childhood or a dysfunctional environment creates an unhealthy balance as it relates to caring for another without blowing it out of portion with jealousy. Jealous people are scary and unsafe to form a bond with. They have actually told themselves that you belong to them. For someone to tell you that you belong to them are not words of love but possession. Such sentiments have been known to lead to ambulance riding and funeral processions.
People that did not learn how to love early in life often mistake sex for love. Such people try to control their partner through sex and material things. When a commitment relationship has begun or imagined with such a person they begin a calculating and manipulating campaign to control their perceived love interest. Such people often mistake kindness, a listening ear, common courtesy, or the human act of caring as love and would fight not to lose it.
In the very early dating stages of a relationship, before the heavy kisses begin to fly, people should get to know the other person’s basic morals and values. Also perhaps there are things that each person should self-examine and understand before attaching his or her self to an innocent person’s life. You might discover that you are the one that could use a reality check. Learn to accept these facts:
• Don’t smother anyone. No one can grow in the shade.
• Never idealize others or put them on pedestals. They will never live up to your expectations.
• Don’t hold to anger, hurt, or pain. They steal your energy and drain you of love.
• Real love never destroys only creates happiness.
• One cannot give what he does not possess. To give love you must possess love.
• Trying to control or possess another person creates resentment.
• Love is open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.
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