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Custodial Grandmothers create a Dating Dilemma

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Richard O. Jones

During the 70’s and 80’s, I settled for dating single mothers, which presented a dilemma. Should I or shouldn’t I become intimately involved with a ready-made family? On the positive side, I enjoyed children even the not so well disciplined ones. However the risk of getting close to the child or children then suddenly getting cut-off because their mom and I broke up created ambivalence. As a child, I had experienced the emotional let-down of no longer seeing a couple of my mother’s boyfriends after they broke up, and I didn’t wanted to subject a girlfriend’s child to that experience after we had gotten close. And besides the even bigger concern of the child or children’s father(s) keeping a mess stirred up, there was always the issue of very little privacy or time alone with the woman.

However as a man in his seniorhood, I expected to be rid of the familiar problems of dating young single mothers. Much to my chagrin, many grandmothers of today often are the legal guardians of their grandchildren. Sometimes the single older woman has a house full of grandchildren and/or her dependent immature adult child. Such a situation is a great turn-off though I don’t verbalize it lest I appear insensitive or get kicked to the curb. Mothers and grandmothers are super sensitive about their ‘babies’ and are usually closed to reason. Senior males in search of a woman, is not in search of a family. Nevertheless, he is compelled to reenact the role of dating young mothers. He thought those days were over. Senior men want to enjoy life, which includes uninterrupted evenings by adult and minor children.

Maybe I’m just blowing off steam because of a dreadful personal experience. Recently, a 60-year-old single woman I met online, invited me to dinner. We had been communicating by email and telephone for three months. We even met twice in a Denny’s Restaurant and talked for at least two hours over coffee. Three days after the second meeting, she invited me to Sunday dinner at her home in Fontana. I thought that it would be just the two of us. Instead I walked into a house of her children and grandchildren. As it turned out, her family gathered for dinner at her house every Sunday. I also discovered that I was the first man any of them had seen her with since ‘Papa’ died many years ago. It also came to light that at least four younger grandchildren lived with her and would be there until they finished high school. One of her older grandsons acted like I came by to run a game on his grandmother and he saw through my sham. He was very rude. Most of the others tried to be nice but their suspicion was obvious. She later told me that she was trying to merge me into her world; however, I think she should have asked or warned me first. That was the last time I visited her. Most senior men are not willing to wait another 15 years, if ever, before he could have some quiet time at the home of a woman.

Website: www.richardojoneslive.com

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