The transition from a one-track-mind to intimacy is difficult for many people especially seniors that have spent many years confusing lust with intimacy. Too many years of putting their best leg forward, instead of their best of inner selves, created a diehard shell of a person. Though for some seniors it is refreshing to abandon the pretense and finally relax and get really acquainted. I now know what a retired racehorse that has been put in the pasture must feel. The idea of no one riding it’s back, kicking it in the side or whacking it with a whip while expecting a great performance must be a relief. I always thought that horses were stressed as they galloped around the race track at top speed knowing that the last horse that fell and broke it’s leg was shot. Finally when retired, though they might miss the cheers of the crowd, it must feel good to live out their years grazing in the grass and enjoying the fillies without pressure to reproduce. Lust-driven relationships often felt like that for me.
Many seniors have no regrets that they retired their little black book for a firm grip on the remote control unit and an easy chair. Life is easy without the psychological pressure of performing for the cheer of the crowd. The days of running around from one track to another and being ridden by one jockey then another, figuratively, and worrying about being put down once you stumbled carried emotional weight.
It a sad sight for me to witness a man or woman beyond fifty that has not emotionally matured into intimacy. Instead a few still have a one-track-mind and think their acceptability is predicated on their performance. As a young man I felt rejected unless I was sexually victorious on or before the third date.
This uneasiness caused me to pursue several insincere relationships simultaneously thus acquiring a sense of false security of having a stand-by if ever rejected. Many male friends told me of the pressure they felt to be more of a stud and less of a gentleman to establish and remove any doubt about their masculinity. Nevertheless it is a great and reassuring feeling to acquire the maturity to enjoy the company of a woman without any expectations beyond a delightful evening of really getting to know one another even if we’ve known each other for longer than a short time. As a young man, I doubt that I was a good listener because my mind sensuously raced as she spoke. There is value and worthiness in conversing without an ulterior motive. A male friend of mine was widowed, eight months ago, after 30 years of marriage. He recently begin to pursue female companionship but was baffled to discovering that many older women feel they must rush into sex to maintain his interest. In turn, he says, that he feels that he must perform to maintain her companionship. It’s ironic how things change. He says that he feels like a racehorse that must win, show, or place or he’ll be banded from the track. My friend once craved such attention but now seeks intimacy; however, is at a loss on how to obtain it. Any suggestions?
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