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Summary Of Grieving

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Accounting for deep and prolonged grieving processes in many Black Americans are Apperceptions (Grief's magnetic attraction to memories of other grieving episodes) and the slavery derived "Atmosphere of Despair" Complex (ADC). Both mold into its own image each new grief. Since that molding can determine the quality of ones life, the principle of management of the Grieving Process is to lessen those molding effects. Background protection from--and the handling of--ADC effects on each new layer of grief is an Unconditional Love based philosophy of life. Emphasizing its Self-Love aspects powers a lifetime pattern for self-cultivation, Selfless Service, and the Desire to seek and persistence to stay on the path of Truth and Reality. From this frame ADC, Apperceptions, causes of excessive prior grief, and other extraneous problems are handled before and during "here and now" grieving. Each of these are recognized, acknowledged, dismantled, analyzed, and handled one at a time, beginning with the most important. The process opens with asking: "What part am I playing in contributing to any of the Problems?" Maybe the keystone problem is due to excessive attachment to the deceased; from stirring up of personal trauma not grief related; by receiving bad advice from others; possessing a self-defeating mindset brought into the Grieving Process (e.g. lack of mental discipline); and/or subconsciously getting benefits from new and needless Grief. Seek and rationally correct any irrational or illogical thinking. Keep tools of daily living in excess supply, with reserves, and all in excellent working order. These minimize the arising of new problems while grieving.

Though there is no immunization for healthy Grief, my entourage of spiritual forces assists in immunizing me against unhealthy Grief and directs what to do once inside the hourglass stricture of Grief. After determining if my grief is of a Mild, Slight, Moderate, or Extreme nature, I set time limits on how long to be inside a given Grief category. At the same time I follow the stepping stones previously formulated for going through and out of the stricture in a healthy manner. It is essential to put boundaries on the core of the "here and now" grief so as to make it manageable.

To provide an escape valve for my grieving heart I assume the role of a "reporter." In that role I observe what is real in the situation and write everything on my mind until there is nothing else to write. Such relieves my mind from thoughts going in a vicious cycle and from adding exaggerations with each circle. Another benefit is to extract lessons from my experience to incorporate into my life; to help make me a better person; and to avoid repeating prior mistakes. By so doing I can let go of whatever experiences were bad or painful. To spend time in Nature and get into its harmony reduces my mental turmoil. There, I select an uplifting thought concerning my lost loved one and that serves as a tow-rope to hang on to when recurrent grieving thoughts arise during my later life. Also, I resolve not to have the last words I say to anyone be unkind for there may never come a time to apologize. Then I forgive myself and find some way to make restitution to pay any associated debt. I forgive whomever or whatever I believe caused my problems--not to let them off the hook--but for me to progress. Powerful releases of built up energy occur when I somehow find a way to honor the lost Being; share what I learned with those willing to read or listen; and clean up my workspace. Meanwhile, because outside world life goes on no matter how bad I feel throughout my grieving process, I maintain some degree of order to keep my life from sinking into shambles. All of these factors free my mind; help lift me out of my grief; and thereby enable me to figure out ways to bring some "Aliveness" back into my life. On the way to getting back to normal "Aliveness" counteracts painful recurring memories. Humor and engaging in what provides multiple small successes on the path to benefitting or improving myself and others helps me feel better.

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