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Grief Management

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By Joseph A. Bailey

The greatest poverty is to not live life fully and some people stop living while in the Grieving Process. Then they get "stuck" and remain so for prolonged periods. This Chronic Grieving interferes with their normal daily functioning and places them inside a "General Funk" mindset. "Funk" is a World War I term for a dug-out and when applied to humans it implies one has withdrawn into a place of safety--similar to a turtle withdrawing into its shell. One then becomes self-absorbed with an ongoing aloofness to things in the outside world or to things ordinarily of personal interest. In addition, they become bogged down with a greatly compromised ability to concentrate and focus; possess an outlook on life as seen through gray colored lens; and are afflicted with a general sensitivity comparable to touching a "raw inflamed nerve." Thinking becomes Illogical (not having a reproducible pattern for arriving at the truth). Resultant Irrational behaviors (those not constrained by reason) are orchestrated by inconsistent and unstable emotions. It is unhealthy not to have a plan for "dealing with grief". What a lack of planning does is to scatter mental activities and thereby create, enhance, or worsen chronic juggling patterns. Then, what new problems are created will now further complicate the trek through life. Since stopping all of this bad stuff going on with me is my responsibility, the approach is to correct things I can do something about; handle the "impossible" problems philosophically; and let the rest go, including whatever is beyond my control or is not beneficial. An approach to any "impossible" problem--like Chronic Grieving of unknown cause--is to determine its location and source. Next, in assessing possible causes, it is important to prioritize them in order of significance to me. Perhaps Mild or Slight Chronic Grief can be lessened with ones own effort. However, the Moderate and Extremes require mental health specialists.

In assessing and analyzing what is discovered, one is likely to see the "seed" problem. In a normal Grieving Process chances are the "seed" started in Stage II Grief (e.g. when Titan became disabled). Let us say the Keystone emotion of that "seed" is Dread of what is about to happen. Additional questioning will determine if Dread is the "stuck" point of ones problematic Grieving Process or if the stuck point is in something significant causing mental trauma before there was any Dread experience. Either way, it is likely the person resorted to "Escapes" in hopes of gaining aesthetic pleasures. Dread displays in doubts expressed as: "Can I bear it and make it through?" What I notice in talking with many People is the endless repeating of the same thing. This means they are thinking about the same thing over and over. Each time they round the circle they add exaggerations, distortions, and fantasies having nothing to do with the truth. To me, such suggests an obsessive-compulsive trait of the Omnibus Brain (a subdivision of the Ancient Brain) is necessitated by the distress associated with their Grief. The importance of recognizing the constant repetition of the same thing leads to an awareness of it being a stumbling block preventing progress. Writing everything on your mind is an excellent way to help stop mentally going round and round.

Next, analyze all ideas inside Dread and the discovery will be made of it no longer being an issue because the fear of what was going to happen has already happened. In other words, Dread is now a "zombie" emotion (the emotions of Dread remain but its cause is no longer in existence). Still out of the Dread "seed" originated in Stage II Grief have branched thoughts, emotions, expressions, and actions which continue operating in a self-defeating manner. Perhaps in trying to get relief from the Dread you resorted to some self-defeating "Escape." In writing out what is not working in your life, look particularly for (among others) the many different ways Dread can cause a flaw in your life. Chances are you will see some related to the "Escape."

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