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Stepping Outside Grief's Core

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By Joseph A. Bailey

Whereas being inside the Grief Emotional Complex means my focus is totally on Titan, upon striving to switch to the role of an "observing reporter" starts lessening the acuteness of the Grieving Process. At such times, much of what goes on inside my head is an inability to mentally grasp everything involved in the Grief experience. But then I recall the previously determined four Stages of Memories--Stage I, when Titan was healthy; Stage II, when he became disabled; Stage III, his last hour of life; and Stage IV, the shock of his death. If I do not make an all-out effort to let go of Stages II, III, & IV, they will dominate my thoughts for a prolonged period of time.

This is especially true of Stage III memories because they are the most recent, vivid, and painful.

How long they persist is proportional to the intensity of their mental, physical, and spiritual adverse effects on me. To let go of Stages II & III, I philosophically (i.e. do the best as I know it to be) deal the "impossible" aspects by prioritizing the known into superficial to profound relationships. This is like referring to the metaphorical ladder. Its bottom (superficial) rungs equate to being aware of, introduced to, or acquainted with something; the middle rungs are being Familiar with it (seeing relationships of the components involved and how they are unified); and the top rungs symbolize internalizing the "Knowing" resulting from having fit together aspects of the relationship components. What results is filtered to determine the truth or falsehood of things by the harmonious or disharmonious relationships between each other's parts and within the context of the whole. Next, the truthful and the harmonious are selected for contemplation--from which comes "Philosophical Knowing". When internalized, its inherent power conveys "how to be right," "what is right," "how to make things right," and/or avoiding the wrong--the essence of Philosophical Solutions.

The practical application of these concepts embraces the Law of Thought Attraction. It says "Seed" Thoughts of a certain nature attract like-kind thoughts. For example, the power within the "Seed" Thoughts of the Grief Emotional Complex acts like a magnet to bring in like-kind Memories. In turn, each Memory drags along its satellites and/or shadow associates. To illustrate, the "Seed" Thoughts of the Grief Emotional Complex pertaining to Titan attracted the like-kind memory of the recent death of my son, Joey. The Stage II & III Memories of Titan + the Stage II & III Memories of Joey attract like-kind Memories associated with my Disconnections from living people. This combination represents a glob of pains and grief called Apperceptions. The off-springs of the glob are weird or inappropriate or false Notions, Ideas, and/or Thoughts chaotically out of control. Springing from these Apperceptions are self-defeating and/or other-destructive Beliefs and "Attitudes". The effect of these "Seed Beliefs/Attitudes" can be bad habits and a self-defeating lifestyle. Fortunately, all of these can be aborted by seeking out and staying with truth-filled Philosophical Knowing and Solutions. Steps for being lifted out of acute grief are as follows:

Step I starts by me assuming the position of a "Self-Observer", which automatically puts boundaries on my Grief Emotion Complex and diverts my attention to something constructive (e.g. determining what is real and what is not).

Step II is a focus on the healthy and pleasurable aspects of Titan in Stage I and enlarging them by repeatedly imagining the good effects they had on me.

This pleasant visualization pours energy into my imagination until it drowns out Stages II, III, & IV.

However, I do not beat myself up whenever Stages II & III interfere periodically. Step III is simply letting Stages II & III waste away from disuse. But if they keep popping up I write all those thoughts until I have nothing else to say. Step IV: There is not much I can do about Stage IV Memories except to let them simply run their course. Step V is avoiding "sour." Stage VI is, wherever possible, indulging myself with humor.