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The Grieving Process

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Any Grieving Process spins around its causation Trigger Core. That core may relate to people (e.g. a child, parent, and spouse), animals (e.g. a pet), Nature, places, or things. An odd thing about grief is its process actions carry one throughout the range situated between the core of oneself and the core of what initiated the grieving process. This is not a right/wrong issue but rather about mentally healthy/unhealthy dealings. Phases of the Grieving Process include: Background Preparation; the Grieving Periphery; Active Grieving; Fading Grieving; and Chronic Grieving. Background Preparation is like what athletes do in the locker room before practice or playing in the big game. The Grieving Periphery surrounds the Active Process and contains its own set of problems. The Fading Grieving Phase is where certain memories occasionally, uncontrollably, and normally appear in daydreams and night-dreams throughout subsequent weeks, months, and years. By contrast, Chronic Grieving is problematic because it interferes with ones activities of daily living.

Healthy Grief: Even the steadiest of minds will waiver from grief. Parts of healthy grief, though troublesome, are normal. Normal Grief can dull ones pleasures; cause one to forget the good of the past; and blank out memory of what are the necessities for regaining and maintaining a state of hopefulness. It is normal for the naïve to wonder if there has ever been a grief like their grief. Grief is the only pain which can take you from laugher and having a good time to tears almost instantly (Patricia Riddlespriger). Such stimuli include a thought or the smell of perfume or a song or a name. Healthy grief has its depth lessened by shedding tears. Transitional Healthy/Unhealthy Grief: Examples of boarder-line mental health is seen in people who feel badly from not being able to feel or even wanting to feel the loss of the deceased; people who, so as to hopefully not feel the Grief, desperately try different forms of "Escapes" (like seeking different ways to be entertained by drugs or alcohol); people who try to push grief aside; and people who rearrange grieving mental images in their minds, like rearranging furniture. A grieving mind which fashions terrible metaphors (e.g. the Grief monster devouring ones Selfhood) is suspicious. Such images or memories reopen or open wider the Grief Emotional Complex--and it may persist. Unhealthy Grief: Any grief becomes unhealthy by it adversely affecting ones mental health. Whenever and whatever grief is needlessly accepted; not prevented when it easily could be; is insincere; becomes excessive because of adding non-pertinent things; or denied is unhealthy. To enter unhealthy realms is to blow up a cloud of mental turmoil destined to last for an indefinite period of time. Furthermore, that cloud distorts the assessments of everything one sees, thinks, feels, or experiences--and those generate problems which complicate ones Grieving Process.

There is no way to get accustomed to grief or to completely prepare for it. As a boy, sensitive to my own feelings and the feelings of others, it disturbed me deeply to see people experiencing needless or inevitable pain, suffering, and grief. Hence, compassion led me into medicine and then to retire early in order to do what I could to help struggling people. In giving constant thought throughout the years as to how to help truly needy people I have learned how to help myself out of troubled times. This came from scrutinizing each of my grieving episodes so as to discover its lessons. Nevertheless, whereas certain non-Black cultures advocate a "suck it up" and stoic display for grieving, fortunately it is natural for many Black People to fully release their emotions--and to good advantage. When Black People's emotional displays are pure (i.e. Love based) and sufficiently intense they fade into Feelings. The benefit of this, says African Tradition, is that through Feelings God relays relief--e.g. what to do or whatever is needed. This is a major tool for helping Black Americans endure.


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